I just realized that I need to guard my heart again
can feel the stir churning...

also feel alittle annoyed by some people
hmm...just seeing their fb kinda annoyed me...
haha...perhaps i shd untag? so no more disturbances?

wilson is stressed out big time
I know God will take care of him
and everything that bugs me


God has given us a new heart and if our heart says so
we are led by his spirit to choose a path has destined, a perfect path to bless us.

The desires
The calling
I want to Lord....


I am totally in love with you,
as I know how much I am pardoned
and my relationship with you is not built on a facade
but that I can come as I am,
wearing my heart and my weakness on my sleeves,
and still accepted as the perfect one
because you see Jesus not the flawed me

I love you because you don't ever judge me for my wrongs
yet you count all my hair lovingly nightly
You dress me in your glory and
empower me with the power of words to declare all I want.
I am bequeathed with all the treasures you store as your blessed child when all I am ,
a mere mortal, created by dust.

You never rebuke me harshly
You never even punished all I should deserve but take it on your son
You never once forbid me to enjoy all your fruits of success
but from the head to toe
blessings drip incessantly,
undeserved, unmerited favour consumes me.

I cannot encapsulate my love for you
just as I cannot fully grasp your love for me
You first loved me when I am nothing,
before I could fall in love with you.
How could it possibly be I be the apple of your eyes
of The Holy God who made everything?


The greatest joy I experience
comes from serving, loving,caring others
and seeing that grin on their cute face :)

Saw it on Clarice yesterday
Saw it on Jane's today

It's indeed more blessed to be able to give than receive
People get touched by simple gestures which really just points to one thing, what the world cannot give, Christ love, his kingdom people can reflect a segment, just a tip of the ice berg of God's love and what a difference they make. If only, my friends and family know God.

Gonna make my sis elated tomorrow
Hopefully....
:)

I realized I really really enjoy giving!


Got my antidote of books from borders yesterday, I had to,it makes my otherwise humdrum life more variegated.

I chose the light hearted ones with humour, romance element in it instead of the o-so-sombre kind or philo kind. I just aint no philo person, I really know myself well, no matter how hard I attempt to be more philo, I get utterly bored by it. I mean how do those books make you relax, they make you rack your brain too much and I have a pea sized one. I want it more enjoyable because reading is supposed to bring you immense pleasure...so I reckon I shall stick to the in your face kind. This just seemed to further prove the point that I am a simple woman, with simple dreams and a simple mind. I hate complexity in whatever form, be in in life or in books. Complexity and issues make me feel sick and wana just run and hide under my blankets. I reckoned that my entire approach to life has always been like this: run and hide when I cannot deal with the overwhelming complexities of issues life has thrown me. Perhaps justifying also why I end as a teacher, with more inclination towards children who are the least complex mortal beings on this universe.

I know as adults, you have to deal with things that come but somehow I feel inadequate to deal with them they make me extremely tensed up and I just feel like I am not equipped with the problem solving chip. GOSH! I am envious of people who naturally is endowed with this gift of analysing, solving problem chip.

Seriously I don't know how I ended up gibbering so much on this, was supposed to be a short entry but ended up being so verbosely.

Not feeling too euphoric either. Not knowing why either makes you feel worst.
I feel like I am missing out something but I don't know why I feel that way.

Bev said something about tetonic shifts , I hate that I like the shifts. Somehow I think it rubbed on me too.

" I wrote your name in my heart and yes, it will stay"


GOSH GOSH GOSH
WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL INSECURE ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS...
SUCH A LAMER THING TO BE PARANOID ABOUT
I SHOULD BE PARANOID ABOUT OTHER STUFF, GUESS THIS ONE REALLY BUGS ME...

ANYWAYS, I THINK FB IS A KILLER,
MAJOR KILLER, THE SPYING, THE TRACKING, THE SHOULD NOT SEE PICTURES AND MESSAGES..

THIS MORNING FELT GROGGY, SICKLY, AND A FEELING THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO WRONG. AND YES I FLARE AT MY STUDENT TODAY. HMM...

LORD, GUARD MY HEART FOR ME LAH...I CANNO GUARD MINE, ITS A TANGLED MESS OF SHIT WHICH UNTANGLES, TANGLES, UN TANGLES, TANGLES AND NOW IT HAS SO MANY KNOTS!

I WANA JUST DIVE INTO BOOKS WHENEVER I FEEL UPSET, BOOKS MAKE ME ESCAPE REALITY, MAKE ME LOSE MYSELF AND FORGET MY INSECURITIES, WORRIES ANXIETIES AND MAKE ME PRETEND I AM SONEONE SELF EVEN FOR A WHILE. AND YES, ALL BOOKS HAVE BLISSFUL ENDINGS FOR THE PROTAGANIST.

SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I AM SO ANNOYING SO PEOPLE START AVOIDING ME LIKE PESTS.....


I need to mediate more on his words...
so fast my heart's in turmoil again
Why is it soo blooody difficult to guard your heart?
GOSH!